4:4:39 
2023-11-13 
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To understand your son as he grows and changes. For generations, parents have wondered whether environment, upbringing, or genes determine what a child becomes. In fact, your son's new personality (and much of his behavior) will be shaped not by his genetic traits or by his experiences, but by what he decides and believes about what he experiences.
From the moment he or she is born, your child will be watching you for information about life. As he observes his family and surroundings, he will form beliefs about love and acceptance, about men and women, about anger, and about what he must do to feel a sense of belonging and importance. These beliefs (most of which he does not consciously realize) will form the rules by which he will live his life. Each child in the same family can make different decisions despite shared genes and experiences.
Take, for example, Mark, who is nine years old, and his brother, who is six years old. The father loves his two sons very much, but he has a nervous nature and often screams and slaps them when he gets angry. During the early years of his life, Mark came to the conclusion that the best way to avoid conflict with his father was to do everything right and stay out of trouble... in short, to strive for perfection in what he did as much as possible.
But Adam came to a different conclusion. Adam decided to make it very clear that his father is not his boss and that he will not let him win. While Mark sought to please his father and avoid his anger, it seemed as if Adam was seeking to arouse this anger. These are two children in the same family who have made completely different decisions about what “works”…and their behavior and personalities show it.
While your son is growing up, make sure to think about his view of the family. What decision has he made about himself, about you, and about what “works” in this world? What you discover will help you make wise decisions in raising him and keep the bond between you and your son close.
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