4:33:47 
2023-10-20 
451
The boy finds that having his parents in two separate homes is a very complicated issue. What should he do, for example, if he has school homework and the encyclopedia is at his mother’s house? What does he do when he has a baseball game while his equipment bag is at his father's house? What if the mother allows him to watch TV while the father refuses to do so... or vice versa? What if he has to participate in household chores? Is this fair?
Cooperation in education is also difficult for parents. If it were easy for them to agree, they would have stayed together and not separated. But, with a little thought (and perhaps some outside help), you should be able to manage day-to-day affairs, finances, and shared custody in a way that works for everyone.
What children need
Your son needs to have freedom to love and communicate with both his parents. It is of no use to talk badly about your ex-partner, no matter what he does, he is a part of your child. You can simply narrate the facts without making any accusations or any personal criticism. Make sure your child understands that divorce is a decision made by two adults: it is never the child's fault, even if most children feel responsible for the situation.
Moving between two homes can be complicated for many different reasons. Children (as do adults) do best when there is respect, structure and cohesion. Many experts suggest creating a parenting plan to detail shared custody, visitation, education, and all other issues parents face. You may write this document yourself, although some parents prefer to seek the help of a mediator or a specialized person. In their book positive discipline for single parents, Jane Nelson suggests including the following issues in your parenting plan:
• Visiting programs: Where will the children be on the weekend? What about mid-week visits, summer, holidays and special occasions?
• Guardianship: Who has the legal right to guardianship?
• Responsibility: Who will make which decisions? Can a stepfather or stepmother participate?
• Education: What is the plan for decisions about school, fees, and college?
• Medical, dental, and insurance: Who pays the premiums and what about co-pays? Who will add the boy to his policy?
• Other insurance: Who handles life or car insurance for a teen?
• Mental health care: Who decides whether to consult a specialist? Who can access the information?
• Child custody centers: Who chooses the nursery center for the child? Be sure to include delivery and return instructions.
• Parenting education: Attending parenting classes can help both parents. Who decides when you take lessons, where and with whom? Will you attend together or separately?
• Religious education: What about practicing religious rituals?
• Communication with the extended family: How will you deal with visits from grandparents, relatives and siblings?
• Moving: Can either parent move out of town and take the children with them?
• Activities: Who will pay for sports activities, etc.? Who will bring it?
• Transportation: How will you handle transportation to and from activities and home?
• Communicating with the school and reviewing other files: Who has the right to do so?
• Changed agenda: How will you handle things like business trips or emergencies?
It is wise to develop a support plan to resolve unexpected conflicts and problems. It is helpful to view co-parenting of your child as a working relationship; You don't have to like each other to do well. Respect, courtesy and cooperation are basic conditions. You may not love your ex-partner, but your child will be happier and healthier if you work together to ease the burden of the transition, establish an organizational structure, and exchange information.
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