4:26:46 
2023-08-17 
578
If you want to have an adult relationship with your adult children, you must treat them as adults. I know this sounds like a given, but sometimes it can be hard to achieve. For many years, you have been giving them orders, instructions, necessary advice, opinions, and their behavior, and so on, and this has turned into a normal pattern of interaction between you, and it may be difficult for you now to force yourself to change this behavior with them.
Of course, the earlier you start changing this behavior in their early teenage years, the easier the transition will be. However, most of the time, this transition remains difficult, and no one expects you to achieve it easily or quickly. The important thing is to know when you can start to change your behavior with them, and to start this change when the time is right. Train yourself not to tell them what to do, or tell them that you don't like their taste in clothes, their friends, etc.
Half the success in treating them like adults depends on stopping yourself from doing certain things, from telling them the right course of action to reminding them what a sweet six-year-old they were (they really don't want to hear that embarrassing story again).
The other half depends on the things you start doing. Talk to your child about the things you talk about with your friends. You have to bridge the generation gap and try to communicate with your child as an adult, and that means value his opinion, whether about the weather, the national league games, the upcoming elections or whether the time is right to plant leeks, just as you accept the opinion of another person.
You should also ask your son for advice. There are certainly many things your child knows more about than you do, such as auto repair, fashion, photography, upholstery, model railroads, bird watching, pottery - anything else you're interested in, and of course there's technology, but I think you're starting to ask your kids Advice on it for years already.
Over time this will be a normal thing, but in the beginning you need to focus on it or it won't happen in the first place. You never know how proud your child will be of asking his opinion and treating him like an adult - unless your parents treated you the same - and then you will know how important it is.
In the beginning, you need to focus on asking your child for advice; otherwise, it wouldn't happen in the first place.
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