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Complete satisfaction with their lives or resolving any problems between them is based on each one of them understanding what he did from his own point of view. It is important that we find out what is going on with each of our children whenever we find ourselves facing a specific situation with them. Their view of events, motives, understandings, feelings and goals may be different. We have to check this out if we want what we do to be beneficial to each and every one of them.
Perhaps what the fourteen-year-old boy wants is for his seven-year-old brother to stay out of his room, while the seven-year-old sometimes wants to play with his older brother.
"I didn't mean to step on the lego tower he built, but I was in a hurry," says the five-year-old boy, while his two-and-a-half-year-old brother continues to cry, apparently experiencing the event as just one more humiliation during a day of grueling agony. It makes no sense here to make a distinction.
One of the parents says: (She is the perpetrator), and the other replies: (You are a liar). We wonder who did it and it is our duty to find out if we can. Perhaps both are guilty, or the guilt lies with someone else entirely.
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